The match meeting between surrogate and Intended Parents (I.P.s) is a super exciting time for everyone involved. For surrogates, they have just completed a rigorous screening process and they have finally been given the approval they need to start their journey. For Intended Parents, they have gone through so much to get to this point, and they are really hoping this meeting means they can move on to the next step on their journey to parenthood.

What to Expect from the Match Meeting

Most match meetings are conducted via video conferencing. Your match coordinator will give you instructions and links to login for the match meeting. The match coordinator will be on the call and will be guiding the conversation between you and the Intended Parents.

If you are in a relationship your partner will be required to be on the call, if the Intended Parents are in a relationship, they will both be on the call.

A match meeting usually takes 45 minutes to an hour. The match coordinator will start the conversation with some “ice-breaker” topics for both the surrogate and intended parents, such as, what you like to do for fun? What sports teams do you follow? Do you have any pets? Etc. From there the match coordinator will cover all the key topics regarding a surrogacy journey.

The following are a few typical questions that may be asked during your match meeting:

  • To the surrogate: Describe your pregnancies.
  • To both the surrogate and I.P.s: Who are your greatest supporters?
  • To the surrogate’s partner: How do you feel about your partner becoming a surrogate?
  • To the surrogate: What are your eating habits like?
  • To both the surrogate and the I.P.s: How do you feel about abortion and selective reduction? Be prepared to answer more detailed questions around abortion and selective reductions, like how do you feel about abortion in the case of Downs Syndrome or less severe birth defects.
  • To both the surrogate and the I.P.s: How do you feel about the Intended Parents being in the delivery room?
  • To both the surrogate and the I.P.s: How do you feel about pumping and providing breast milk?
  • To both the surrogate and the I.P.s: What level of contact do you want with each other during the pregnancy, and after the pregnancy.

How to Prepare for the Match Meeting

It’s important to put your best face forward for your match meeting. With everyonebeing nervous, including the Intended Parents, being prepared, and taking the meeting seriously will let the I.P.s know that you are serious, reliable, and committed. This is the first time they are meeting you and typically you will not be in touch again until after legal clearance.

Here are some important tips:

  • Set a time when you will be uninterrupted and will have quiet, privacy. Privacy is important, it would not be appropriate to have this meeting in a public area, or with other adult family around. In some cases, it is ok to have your young children around, but you will want to plan to keep them occupied as much as you can, such as coloring or watching a show with headphones. Evening and weekend appointments can be accommodated if needed.
  • Wear business casual attire.
  • Think about your camera angles and how you are sitting, for example, don’t have the meeting lying in bed or in a cluttered area of your home.
  • Think ahead about any questions you may have for the Intended Parents, write them down to be prepared.
  • Most importantly, be yourself. If the match meeting goes well, you will be in this journey together for at least a year. It is important that everyone goes into surrogacy being themselves.

What if it is not a good fit?

After the match meeting, we suggest that both the surrogate and intended parents “sleep on it” and take a day or so before making a decision to move forward or not. Most of the time the match meeting goes perfectly, and everyone is excited and onboard to start the next steps. However, you may end up feeling like the I.P.s weren’t the best fit for you. If this happens, don’t hesitate to speak up and let your match coordinator know how you feel. This process is long and it’s critical to the success of surrogacy that everyone feels good about who they are matched with. Our team will move quickly to gain an understanding of what didn’t feel right to you, and work to get a new match meeting going right away.

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