I want to be a Surrogate, should I work with an agency? Let’s break it down. Becoming a surrogate is not for the faint of heart, most surrogate journeys are well over a yearlong and during that time there are several steps and layers to the process. It is quite a bit to manage, especially without the proper experience and know-how.
So what do agencies do?
Matching
If you are considering becoming a surrogate, you probably have a general vision of who it is you want to be a surrogate for, even if that vision is very broad. I find most surrogates I screen are very open-minded when it comes to who their Intended Parents will be, most hopeful surrogates say they don’t mind if the Intended Parents are married or single, straight or gay or from another country, as long as they are “loving and will be good parents”. At Family Creations we work to really understand what the surrogate wants from her experience, we present her with profiles of Intended Parents whose views are in alignment with hers. Even in that case, the surrogate may turn down an Intended Parent profile. Imagine how difficult it would be to have to turn Intended Parents down directly. Or worse, not turn them down because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings and then you end up in a bad match. At Family Creations you will first receive a profile of Intended Parents and decide if you want to move forward with a match meeting, (click here to read more about the match meeting) and from there you’ll have time to really make an informed decision to move forward with the Intended Parent(s) or not. When you go independently, it’s up to you to meet potential Intended Parents and then decide if they are a good fit. This would require exchanging all kinds of personal information directly prior to being in a match or an agreement. When you work with an agency such as Family Creations no personal identifying information or records are shared until after a legal agreement has been made between the Intended Parents and the surrogate.
Screening
A good agency will do a background check on all parties involved in the match including the Intended Parents. These background checks should be thorough and completed by aprofessional background service (not a quick online search which often does not reveal much). Agencies know what to look for within the background check. Family Creations uses a private investigator who really digs deep on everyone’s history. The investigator not only finds out if the Intended Parents have any criminal history, they also look at civil history, like have they sued people or been sued by people, do they have unpaid child support, or any other legal history that could be worrisome to a potential surrogate.
Therapy, Support, Case Management
Agencies set up and arrange for therapy and counseling sessions for all the major milestones of a surrogacy journey. Such as before a transfer, after delivery, or during any pregnancy complications. They also provide resources and connections to other surrogates. At Family Creations we have a super fun surrogate support group where everyone chats and celebrates together. Each surrogate has a case manager who is with them from beginning to end, they are available to you 24/7 throughout the entire journey. Being a surrogate is such a unique experience it’s really important that you have support and guidance on what to expect at each step.
Legal, Escrow, Bills, Insurance
Every surrogacy arrangement should have a legal agreement between Surrogate and Intended Parents and there are particular attorneys who specialize in this specific area of law. The agency makes sure that both the Intended Parents and Surrogate are working with a qualified attorney. The agency also sets up and controls escrow which guarantees the surrogates payments. Could you imagine being a pregnant surrogate and hearing that the Intended Parents have run out of money to pay you? With an agency your payments are guaranteed, the agency makes sure escrow is fully funded and escrow cannot be closed without the agencies permission. Part of this is also making sure all medical bills for the surrogate are paid. Medical bills can often roll in well after delivery, these bills are in the surrogates name (she is the patient) so if they go unpaid it affects the surrogates personal credit. An agency makes sure everything is paid for and on time. The surrogate never has to worry about approaching the Intended Parents about money- how awkward would that be?
Coordination between you and the Intended Parents, on things that may not be so easy to talk about with each other. This is huge! At Family Creations we want to protect the relationship between the Intended Parents and the surrogate. The relationship between Intended Parents and surrogate is unique and we work to be sure it is as smooth as possible. Sometimes there are simple misunderstandings that can occur, but without the guidance and mediation of the agency things could really blow up. One time I had Intended Parents call me in the late evening, the Intended Mom was crying and the Intended father was yelling. I thought something really terrible must have happened to their pregnant surrogate. Turns out, their surrogate shared an old photo of herself on social media having cocktails at a party. They of course thought the photo she posted of herself was in real time. I was so happy the Intended Parents called me first and I was able to clear it all up. If they would’ve had to call the surrogate directly, things really could have gotten out of hand. There are heavy, deep, emotions going on for both the surrogate and the Intended Parents an agency, helps to peel back the layers and keep things in prospective for all involved.
Many people have the natural instinct to DIY, but there are some things in life that are better with expert support and guidance. Surrogacy is definitely one of those things. At Family Creations we want you to look back on your journey and feel great about it. You will be nervous no matter working with an agency or not, but working with an agency gives you the added piece of mind that your with Intended Parents you feel good about, your payments are secured, your legal agreement is binding, and your bills are coved.
